Are you willing to give up your illusions about God? Casual rumination in a library of books will tell you nothing. Dedication to established forms of worship will lead you in circles. You already have many thoughts about God, some simple, some sophisticated, some conscious, most unconscious. The biggest illusion you must face about God comes only after you have faced the biggest illusion about yourself; namely, the belief that your human life is real. All beliefs about God arise out of your illusion about who you are.
If you have a genuine passion for truth, you will be staggered to see the depths of the illusion. Everything you have been told about God is not only false but has been deliberately implanted in your mind to deceive you about yourself. There is no outside world with teachers and teachings, no path, no truth, no savior of souls. Neither the god of your mind nor the world of your eye exists. A hidden layer of your being fabricates these stories to engage itself until a mystery far deeper than you can imagine is ready to stir. You are hiding all this from yourself, not as a personality unwilling to face unpleasant truths, but as an eternal being on a quest to project itself into a form that can, alas, never reveal what it really is. Nevertheless. You are the impossibility of pure existence ever knowing itself completely! Lives come and go but very little is revealed.
If you pursue the hidden chambers of feeling, you will find the grief that underlies all of your life, the knowledge that you have suffered for something that can never be. In the emptiness beyond love and hope, you hold on to a last grasp of illusion to avoid exposure to a truth so humble and so real that only the most magnificent deception can suggest its value. Living love is the last desire. This is what you live and die for.